Friday, November 01, 2002

 

Halloween Whore-er

Ok, I went out for Halloween last night with two friends. We were scary.

I was a really scary witch. I looked awesome, I had blackout on my teeth to make them look jagged, I used my BA in Theatre to put on some fabulous terrifying makeup. My friend Sue had a cleaver sticking out of her shoulder and a knife in her back. She was all torn up with Zombie makeup and blood. Bryce went as the head and founder of the Satanic church, with the eyebrows to match. We all were horrible!

We went to a PACKED bar in Fairhaven, where everybody was dressed up and there was a mechanical bull and contests and all kinds of drunks. It was wild. Then, we started to take in the costumes and came to the realization: every women we saw was dressed like a slut! Slutty nurses, slutty cops, slutty fairies, sluts. And not just "well I don't have a costume, I'll just throw on some underwear and call it good." These costumes were spendy and planned. Like this:



What the hell? When did halloween become about dressing up like a character from an S&M film? The guys had reasonably varied and interesting costumes. Basketball players and mormons and of course pimps and cowboys and mennonite men and Zorro and the like. But NOBODY and I mean NOBODY else had scary makeup on. Sue was the ONLY person there with fake blood. I only saw one other witch and she was a sexy slut witch. I didn't see any horror movie characters.

I don't get it. I'm not surprised that some people are slutty some years. Heck, I'd be slutty once if it wasn't so frickin' cold on halloween. But I was just shocked to discover that apparently a women can't think of herself in costume without donning a whip and black knee-high boots.

Poop.

posted by Krizzer 10:09 AM

Thursday, October 31, 2002

 

Happy Sonics Season!!!

posted by Krizzer 4:26 PM

 

Happy Halloween Everybody!

I'm going out with some friends tonight to find a bar with a Halloween Party going on. I'm going to be a scary witch lady. I love Halloween.

What are this year's best costumes?

posted by Krizzer 4:18 PM

 

10 Things I Am Not Allowed to Think About (#3 Idiots With Lawyers - Continued)

The "Stella" awards rank up there with the Darwin awards. Stella Liebeck is the 81 year old lady who spilled coffee on herself and sued McDonalds, winning millions of dollars. This case inspired an annual award - The "Stella" Award - for the most frivolous lawsuits in the U.S.

The following are this year's candidates:

1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving child was Ms. Robertson's son.

2. June 1998: A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car, when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

3. October 1998: Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation. Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of half a million dollars.

4. October 1999: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced-in yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

5. May 2000: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson threw it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

6. December 1997: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

7. And the winner is: Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City. In November 2000 Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32 foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home, having joined the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly the Winnie left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the handbook that he couldn't actually do this. He was awarded $1,750,000 plus a new Winnie. (Winnebago actually changed their owners manuals because of this court case, just in case there are any other complete morons buying their vehicles.)

posted by Krizzer 8:56 AM

Monday, October 28, 2002

 

Genuine Original Hitler
Did you know that Adolph Hitler was a painter? In fact he applied for Art School several times but was rejected. Can you imagine what an impact it would have been made on history if he'd been accepted to Art School? If he had a constructive outlet for his emotions? If he'd been encouraged to express and communicate through art, to bring people closer, to share the world, instead of slaughtering everyone around him?

My mother is an art historian, she's seen his work. I wanted to ask her: So, do you like Hitler? What do you think of his work? Is he good?

posted by Krizzer 10:52 AM

 

Raise Your Hand:
If you use your word processing program instead of your dictionary.

posted by Krizzer 10:47 AM