Friday, March 14, 2003

 

Things I Learned on the Toilet

What actor was originally approached for the lead roles in Casablanca, The Maltese Falcon, and High Sierra?

posted by Krizzer 10:40 AM

 

The Answers

a) Johann Sebastian Bach (During his lifetime, Bach's music was so boring and out of date that even his family called him this!)
b) Humphrey Bogart (award goes to Flipsycab)
c) Christopher Columbus (again to Flipsycab)
d) Wyatt Earp and Bat Masterson (Flips, Wild Bill and Billy the Kid weren't at the OK Corale - haven't you seen Tombstone? They were called this for their saloon/gambling/brothel enterprises.)
e) Dwight D. Eisenhower (Stennie got this one - it was too obvious to be easy. I was TRYING to put an easier one in there! His "friends" at school called him that)
f) Billy Graham (Flipsycab got this one too, eventually)

The funniest answer goes to Mike (of course) for his answer to a) Elton John.

posted by Krizzer 9:08 AM

Thursday, March 13, 2003

 

Reprehensive

How do people get jobs? No, specifically, how do stupid people get jobs? I applied recently for a job that I WOULD BE PERFECT for, and didn't even get an interview. This has happened to me before, as it has to everyone. And I understand...blah blah blah we got SO many applications...blah blah blah...had to narrow it down somehow...yutta yutta yutta.

And I currently HAVE a job, so I'm really not complaining. The fact that I'm sitting at my desk at work, blogging away right now, does not go unappreciated.

HOWEVER. Every day I deal with people who work for government agencies. And so many of them, oh I'd say 85%, are STUPID! (The stupid person who works for the small business I don't mind - as much. Heck, they need jobs too, and the business is just trying to make it) And I don't understand how they have jobs! Why can't I get a great-paying, great-benefits, lucky-for-life job with the government when they're hiring these total dum-dums instead? The only answer I can come up with is that the people doing the hiring are stupid too.

Today's example of stupidity in our local government: (printed in an ad in the newspaper requesting contractors to bid on a particular job) "Interested contractors should submit one copy of their letter of interest, and a reprehensive summary of projects the firm has completed related to field of expertise."

Ok, REPREHENSIVE isn't a WORD! And if it WAS a word, it would be "reprehensible" which according to Webster means " deserving of censure: blameworthy." Now, why would they want us to submit a summary of our blameworthy projects? What the hell does that even mean? I'm sure the word they are looking for is "comprehensive." Why don't they know this? If you're going to print it in the newspaper, don't you think somebody might proof-read it? Why don't THEY know that?

And even worse, when I read the ad aloud to my coworkers and sarcastically punched the word "reprehensive", they didn't know what was wrong with the sentance.

I gotta get out of this biz.

posted by Krizzer 9:27 AM

 

Things I Learned on the Toilet

Nicknames: Identify the famous person to whom each nickname refers:

a) The Old Wig
b) Whiskey Straight
c) The Admiral of the Mosquitos
d) The Fighting Pimps
e) Ugly Ike
f) The Preaching Windmill

posted by Krizzer 9:12 AM

 

And the Answers Are:

a) a piece of apple pie (good job flipsycab, I put this one on here as a trick question)
b) salt and pepper shakers (again, kudos flipsycab)
c) bottle of ketchup (good job nobody)
d) french fries (hooray stennie)
e) American cheese (this is so beautiful, I can't believe no one guessed it!)
f) liver and onions (flipsycab got this one too, although I don't understand the "put the lights out" part)

and the question nobody was close on, but was apparently fun to guess....

e) Add ice cream

There! I hope you liked 'em! It was fun for me. I've got more, oh yes I have more, but let's move on to something else:

posted by Krizzer 8:56 AM

Wednesday, March 12, 2003

 

Things I Learned on the Toilet

The answer's to yesterday's "Diner Lingo" are:

a) soda water
b) Dr. Pepper
c) scrambled
d) to go
e) potato
f) Jello

Stennie was the first to get "Wreck 'em", Bet got "Nervous Pudding" and just in the nick of time Mike pulled off "Let it Walk." Congratulations to all.

Let's do a couple more: Diner Lingo Part 2

a) Eve with a lid
b) Mike and Ike
c) Lighthouse
d) Frog Sticks
e) Wax
f) Put out the lights and cry
g) Put a hat on it

posted by Krizzer 11:41 AM

Tuesday, March 11, 2003

 

Things I Learned on the Toilet

A "Pap-Hawk" is: "A child who's breast fed." So I guess I was a pap-hawk. Who knew?

Ok, today's game is "Diner Lingo". Define the following short-order-slang:

a) Balloon juice
b) An M.D.
c) Wreck 'em
d) Let it Walk
e) A Murphy
f) Nervous Pudding

posted by Krizzer 9:16 AM

Monday, March 10, 2003

 

Bye Bye Love

Hmmm, *sigh*. Andy-man is gone again. He's off to wild and crazy Salt Lake City to work for 3 - 8 weeks, or maybe longer or maybe shorter. His line of work drives me crazy, he never knows how long a job will last. I'll be talking on the phone to him one night and he'll say, "I think I'm going to be laid off tomorrow. We're almost done." and then the next day he'll tell me it going to be at least another 2 weeks. Likewise, he'll tell me before work one day that there's no end in sight, and then surprise surprise he'll show up at my door at 11 o'clock at night, all laid off and home and done for the time being. So, basically when people ask me when he'll be back I just shake my head and shrug my shoulders. All I know is that it's supposed to be a short job, it won't be anything like last winter, when he was gone for 6 months.

So now I'm having to convert back into "Andy-Gone-Mode". That involves going to the gym more, watching basketball alone (or relating the score over the phone), having total control over the remote, keeping the apartment as warm as I like, sleeping across the whole bed, and missing him. It's not SO bad, I'm more used to it now than I was the first year. At least I know what to expect now. I'll get more done around the house, I'll watch more tv. I'll call up friends more, I'll go see Chicago, by myself if I can't rope anyone into going. I'll be productive, I'll noodle, and I'll utterly veg. And then he'll come home and I'll adjust again. I'll flip back into "Andy-Home-Mode". That involves going to the gym less, having someone to watch basketball with, but relinquishing control of the remote, keeping the apartment cooler and having to share the bed and the covers, but getting to snuggle up at night, and being happy he's home.

posted by Krizzer 1:08 PM

 

Things I Learned on the Toilet

The answer to last fridays "Toilet" was Deosculate: to kiss passionately.

Today:

Define the word Pap-hawk.

posted by Krizzer 9:28 AM