Friday, September 19, 2003

 

Great Dating Mistakes I Have Made - Part 2

Well, I know when I'm beaten. And I'm already beaten in Round 2, even before I begin. This may not even qualify as a "Great Dating Mistake. It might just be a "Dating Mistake." But I'll tell it nonetheless. I'm not going to forfeit just YET....

Let's call this one: Chad.

Chad is the only guy I've ever dated where I asked HIM out. And he said no. But only because he was busy, he asked for a rain check, and asked for my phone number. And asked me to see a movie.

The movie we saw was the "premiere" of a student production, in which I had a very small one-scene speaking role. Which was totally embarrassing. In fact, the whole film was hugely embarrassing for everyone involved. But funny.

After the movie we went back to "his place" to watch The Muppet Movie. (yes, this was when I was a SENIOR in COLLEGE - but hey, that's a good movie)

We walked in the door and his roomates were sitting around watching "Loveline" the dating/sex advice show with Adam Corolla that used to be on (I think) MTV. Now, I hate this show. Because the people who call in ask the DUMBEST questions like "My girlfriend always gets mad at me when I have an orgasm first and then roll over and go to sleep without letting her climax too. Why does she get so pissed?" or "My boyfriend told me he wants to sleep with my roomate's 15 year old sister. Is this normal?" And it's so stupid and obvious it just annoys me that there are people out there who are so stupid. And he gets sucked into the show for a minute, and I said "Oh my god, you guys watch this show?" And Chad says "Yah! I love this show!" And I say "Why?!!" and he says "Well, I don't know this stuff!"

I should have left right then.

He went on to prove that he wasn't kidding, he really didn't know that stuff later in our first (and last) attempt at "foolin' around." Not his fault that he was inexperienced. But I wasn't exactly prepared to have to draw him a picture of the crucial areas and their functions. I did NOT have sex with Chad.

Chad was a magician (and a very good one, I found out later), but would never do any magic tricks for me. He LOVED David Copperfield, and didn't see what I meant when I said I thought David Copperfield was "so cheesy!"

Chad didn't like music. I mean really!!!! How can anyone just plain "not like music!?" I can see not liking a certain kind of music, like Rap or Country or Showtunes (well, not showtunes), but not liking music as a whole? I just don't get it. The only cd he had was to play during his magic act. Combine that with the fact that I played in a band with standing gigs every saturday night, and often other gigs during the a week, and you just don't have a good combination. You might say that music is just a LITTLE bit important to me. Oh sure, he came to my gigs, just about every one. But I'd be playing a song, looking at him, and thinking: "You must really be bored. I bet you just hate this. What the hell is wrong with you?" And I'd smile at him and he'd smile at me....

After two weeks of dating (one week of which he was away at a drama camp) I called him from a payphone at the bar where I was playing pinball and broke up with him.

It's not that he was an evil guy. But he was SO WRONG for me!!!

Lessons I Learned from Chad:
1. The people who call in to shows like Loveline are real people, not actors! Real people who don't have a frickin clue.
2. What good is a magician if he won't do magic tricks for you?
3. There are actually people in this world who don't like music!

To be fair, even after I broke up with Chad he still came to my gigs. And smiled at me when I played the song I wrote about him called "Sorry." (which had lines like "You call me everyday, you come on Saturdays, you can't get under my skin. Sorry!" and "You hang with lunatics, you can do magic tricks, you never do them for me. Sorry!" He also gave me a GREAT sweater that my roomates and I called the "Chad Brown" sweater, and took turns having ownership of every week, until eventually my next boyfriend, Andy-man, stole it for good. He also stopped by my work a year or so later to say goodbye when he graduated and gave me a great big hug. At least he truly had no hard feelings.

Again big mistake, great song. Do you think I'm just using these guys for material? Maybe I should have myself another fling, I haven't written a song in a while...

posted by Krizzer 4:48 PM

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

 

Great Dating Mistakes I Have Made - Part 1

Ok, so as Stennie pointed out in her blog, when I visited down there the other week, we sat around discussing our dating fiascos, and agreed to blog on the topic.

Now, I haven't done a lot of dating. I've spent most of my dating career in long relationships, so I really shouldn't complain. However, NO ONE who's dated even a little bit hasn't learned a few lessons along the way, and what kind of a friend would I be if I didn't pass one or two of them on?

Great Mistake Number 1: Let's call him Vito.

Vito and I didn't really date so much as sleep together a couple of times. There's sleeping with a guy on the first date, and then there's just sleeping with a guy without dating at all.

The morning after our first "engagement" he told me three important pieces of information:

#1 He had never been faithful to anyone he was seeing.
#2 He wanted to sleep with my roommate's fifteen year old sister.
#3 He hoped I knew that we were just friends, and also hoped that having sex wasn't going to complicate that.

Important information Vito neglected to tell me that morning:

#4 He was seeing someone, someone I knew, someone who didn't know he was sleeping with me.

I continued to have casual (but safe) sex with Vito for another week or so, before finding out that I was the unwitting "other woman" to some poor girl. The girl and I had a confrontation, then a really good talk, then became fast friends and both dumped Vito. Vito went on to date my roommate's 15 year old sister, and cheat on her. But heck, I wrote a couple of good songs about him anyway. It wasn't a total loss.

Lessons I learned from Vito:

#1 Sleeping with a guy is not a good way to get him to ask you out on a date.
#2 If a guy tells you any of items #1-3 (or #4 for that matter!), he is not a good prospect.
#3 Casual (but safe) sex is not very fullfilling.
#4 Even great mistakes can be the inspiration for good music.

posted by Krizzer 2:58 PM

Monday, September 15, 2003

 

Monday Manners

From the chapter "At Table."

Don't tuck your napkin under your chin, or spread it upon your breast. Bibs and tuckers are for the nursery. Don't spread you napkin over your lap; let it fall over your knee.

So, in other words: don't use your napkin. It's ok to have a napkin, as long as you don't place it in any way that actually might protect your clothing, or be functional. Just be perfect, and you won't have to worry about dripping soup in your lap.

posted by Krizzer 2:57 PM