Friday, December 05, 2003

A Poem For Lint

 

Here's the poem I wrote for Jellybean when I was in high school, as promised:

Linda Cara Katherine Crook
By Krizzer

I taught her how to avoid eating vegetables.
I taught her how to push all the food to one side of your plate,
to make it look as if you’d eaten most of your dinner.
We were friends since before birth.
I bullied her and pushed her around.
I wouldn’t let her play with my Sunshine Family Cow, that you could really milk.
I wouldn’t let her ring the doorbell on my dollhouse.
When we played dress up, I was always the Queen, and she was always the Peasant.
I cried when I couldn’t spend the night at her house.
We played on the scooters outside until we skinned our ankles and knees,
and ran inside and got band-aides, then ran straight back out again.
We ate pancakes formed in our initials.
She snored all night and I would push her off the bed.
We wrote stories together.
We pretended we were in rock groups, and sang along to Bugsy Malone.
She was allergic to grass.
We wrote, directed and starred in our own plays, and performed them for our parents.
Our playground was the mysterious, enchanted forest behind my house.
I was afraid to spend the night without my blankey.
We used to walk to the candy store, and pretend we were orphans,
or that we were running away from home.
We went to each other’s birthday parties.
We grew older together.
Then we grew apart.
We stopped going to each other’s birthday parties.
We both learned to eat vegetables, and finish our dinners.
I gave up the Sunshine Family Cow, the dollhouse, the scooters, playing dress up,
and eventually even the blankey.
I don’t eat breakfast anymore.
She stopped snoring.
I drive to the store now.
But the world sometimes surprises you,
and sometimes you find yourself making friends again with your oldest friend in the world.
She’s still allergic to grass, and now I’m allergic to cats, and we’re both allergic to dish soap.
And we still spend the night at each other’s houses.
We both have pursued our love of the theatre, and now act on Sehome’s stage.
We both have lived in England for a year,
and share memories of trips to Scarborough by train.
We still write stories together.
We both speak French, and love Les Miserables.
We’ve shared the heartaches of crushes, and the heartbreaks of breakups.
We still sing in rock groups, and sing along to Bugsy Malone.
And I still boss her around.

posted by Krizzer 10:51 AM

Wednesday, December 03, 2003

For Her Birthday:

 

Because she is my oldest friend in the world, because she is one of the best friends I've ever had, because she's wonderful and I love her, and because she is the one and only "Lovely Linda,"

I was going to post today the poem I wrote for Jellybean back when we were in high school. But I can't find it. Don't worry, it's on my computer at home. I'll post it tomorrow.

Meanwhile, I wanted to say "Happy Birthday Lint!!!! I love you!!!" Welcome to your 30's. It's really better than they say.

30 Things you may not know about the mysterious Jellybean:

1) That's not really her name
2) She likes to do crazy things with her hair
3) She's allergic to grass
4) When she sneezes she hits herself in the face with her hands
5) I used to boss her around and she still loved me
6) I still boss her around and she still loves me
7) She has never let me see her basement
8) She is a member of the very select group of people known as the "Chemistry Kids"
9) She can break her own leg just by walking on it
10) She is a fantastic actress
11) She's an even better friend
12) She's really good at math
13) She hates the smell of fish
14) She calls her husband "buddy"
15) She loves to be silly
16) She plays the bass
17) She plays the viola/violin
18) She's not afraid to be her own person
19) She speaks french
20) She loves toys
21) She is terrified of spiders
22) She throws up A LOT on only 3 drinks
23) She loves bacon
24) She lived in England
25) She has a long history of having crushes on guys who turn out to be gay
26) When she was little she thought she was going to marry one of my brothers
27) She did a 360 getting off the freeway in driver's ed
28) She has a picture of me and her in the same crib together as babies
29) She remembers everything that happened when we were kids
30) She's the best friend anyone could ever ask for!!

I hope you have a great birthday, Linty-Loo!

posted by Krizzer 4:11 PM

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

Don't Know Why

 

Monday Manners didn't post itself yesterday like I thought it would. But oh well, it's up now.

posted by Krizzer 12:17 PM

Monday, December 01, 2003

Monday Manners

 

I'm not really here. I'm really in the air high above some midwest state, maybe Indiana (Hi Grandma!) So I'm posting this early cause I won't be here on Monday. I've been in Baltimore, conducting a conferance on proper napkin etiquette. I hope you all behaved yourselves like little ladies and gentlemen at your respective Thanksgiving dinners, and remembered the rule about the wine...

From the chapter "At Table":

Don't thank the host or hostess for your dinner. Express pleasure in the entertainment, when you depart - that is all.

Ok, rude. I'm absolutely certain if I was a guest of a friend or family member for Thanksgiving, and when I was leaving they said "Thank you so much for coming, it was so nice you could join us for dinner," and I replied "Yeah, well....heck of a parade," that I would be in deep do-do. Did any of you try this on Thanksgiving? How did it go over?

posted by Krizzer 10:18 PM

Life, or Something Like it

 

For my last day in B'more, my brother took me and Wendy to the Redskins game. It was fun to sit in the corporate box and eat all the goodies and drink the free booze. However, I think I prefer the excitement and involvement of sitting in the stands. People in the box chit-chat too much, they talk about work, and since there were about 18 of us in there, not everyone had a seat from which they could see the game. But corporate suites are bought with a different purpose in mind. They are for shmoozing clients and socializing. I'd rather impress no one and watch the game. But that's how I watch sports. As in, everybody shut up unless you're talking about the game, and then, make it quick or keep it during the commercials.

I am a very vocal sports-watcher, though. When I've had friends show up at my door while I'm watching the Sonics, I've had them tell me "Geez, I can hear you yelling all the way out in the hallway!" Well, I get excited. I get into it. I'm a true fan. Even when I'm watching the Redskins, whom I don't give a damn about, if I'm watching them play I'm rooting for them all the way. Which makes it too bad that they lost today. But it was still fun, and I'd never been to a pro football game before.

In the box I sat next to a gentleman from Lynchburg Virginia who explained the finer points of the game to me when I asked. He sounded a lot like I expect Bet must sound. I wanted him to say "pin" and "pin" for me, but I didn't ask!

After we came home my brother and I opened his board game, the Game of Life. I lost 3 out of 4 games! In the game, if you go to college you have to borrow $100 grand for school. Well, in real life I've only, so far, borrowed a quarter of that, so I guess I'm doing pretty well! On the other hand, in the game, a home computer costs $45 grand. Man, that must be one heck of a nice computer. I'd recommend shopping around...

Tommorrow I fly. Tomorrow is also December 1st, so remember to say "Rabbit rabbit" first thing when you wake up and you'll have good luck all month. Or for me, I say "Lucky lucky" because the last time I remembered to say "Rabbit rabbit" I was still asleep and I knew I was supposed to say the thing that gives you luck, so what came out was "Lucky lucky." And the one time I did say "Rabbit rabbit" I terrible luck that month, but the "Lucky lucky" month was a good one. I don't know what to do about tomorrow, especially since I have to fly. Should I say "Lucky lucky" since it's seemed to work before? Or do I go with tradition and say "Rabbit rabbit" and hope that it doesn't backfire like last time? Or do I say nothing to play it safe, and hope I don't later wish I'd said something? Oh, it's too much to think about! I guess we'll find out when I wake up tomorrow.

Lucky lucky rabbit rabbit!

posted by Krizzer 12:03 AM

Sunday, November 30, 2003

Fat

 

Well, we just had a Thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat. Better late than never. Now I'm fat and full of pie and sleepy from the tryptophans. That's why it's a mistake to eat your turkey at 2pm like my family always does. Eat it at nine, and then instead of being groggy until you finally succomb to nap-dom in the afternoon, just eat until you bust, drink some wine, clean up the kitchen, and then go to bed! That's what I'm about to do. Except I'm blogging now, and I never get to blog before bed, since my only internet is at work.

Ok, I like my pumpkin pie. I like it the best. And I like a LOT of whipped cream on my pie. Like, a LOT. Like, where's the pie? And I've always taken crap for how much whipped cream I put on my pie. But no more. My brother puts me to shame. He walks into the room with a piece of pie (I assume it was down in there somewhere) covered in so much whipped cream it looked like a bowl of cream. Actually, it looked like the mountain in the "Grinch" cartoon (the good one with Boris Karloff who was BRILLIANT - not the crap with Jim Carrey), Mt. Crumpet. It was admirable. Truly professional caliber. I wish I'd gotten a picture.

My sister-in-law, Wendy, invited her sister Nina over to eat turkey with us. What is my sister-in-law's sister to me? What do I call her, besides Nina? They are fun, they rattle off Spanish and English interchangably, and they give my brother hell. I love it. He gave me hell for 15 years, I'm glad he's met his match. Really, my brother and his wife (who've been married almost two years) are made for each other. Wendy and I played checkers tonight and she was kicking my butt (give me a break, I haven't played checkers in years) and my bro tried to give me a pointer and she let him have it. She's as competitive as he is and that's saying a lot.

I'm having a good time on my vacation. They let me sleep as late as I want, which is good cause it's three hours earlier here, and we just hang out and have fun.

Ok, but the turkey is doing its job. I'm sleepy. Goodnight!

posted by Krizzer 12:03 AM